There are three guarantees in life; death, taxes, and tensions between parents and children. Since the dawn of time, the struggle between parents and children has surmounted to numerous arguments, dramatic exits from the household, and the occasional “silent treatment.” Parents are naturally viewed as tyrants of the household, while children are constantly seeking instant gratification. Many of us, even as adults, get into similar parent-child dynamics in our relationships, both professional and personal. I’ve seen this same type of misinterpretation in my consultation with many high-level executives.
Shayla is the CEO of a mid-sized tech company. Her primary role is to oversee all business operations and mentor General Managers throughout the department. Steven, a General Manager working directly under Shayla, found her critiques aggressive and overly corrective. She used language such as, “why didn’t you do this?” or “you need to think this way”. Shayla strongly believes that being critical generates great leaders. Steven never took Shayla’s advice and his division began to see net-losses.
I worked closely with Shayla and Steven, applying the Clarity Compass to dissect the root causes of their problematic situation. On the surface, we see Steven feeling hurt and unappreciated by the comments made by Shayla. But if we dig deeper, we can detect a lack of understanding from both parties. Shayla wants Steven to grow and develop into an amazing leader. Likewise, Steven seeks Shayla’s experience in navigating through difficult higher-management situations. Rather than focusing on the actions, I encouraged them both to react to the intentions. Similarly to a parent wanting their child to be happy, Shayla wanted Steven to be successful. Although Shayla’s style of mentoring Steven was brash, the intention was to help his division become fruitful. Steven was trapped in his own emotions, thus unable to take a step back and observe the overarching intentions. To resolve the issue, we decided that when Shayla makes forward comments, Steven would provide a correction and acknowledge the intent of her advice.
As Shayla and Steven discovered, one of the most powerful aspects of the Clarity Compass is learning to separate intentions from actions, and in their case, doing so allowed them to understand where the other was coming from.
What are scenarios in your life where actions speak louder than intentions? Have you considered the intentions behind those actions? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
